The goal is to read a book set in every country I have been to.  And while I feel the strongest desire to start reading a Tanzanian novel, I have decided to begin at my life’s beginning…

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Shanghai Girls

My first book is Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. It is a story about Pearl and May,  two sisters living the life of “beautiful girls” in 1930s Shanghai.  Their world of extravagance and elegance initially hid the signs of impending war and death looming over the city, but  eventually life as they knew it collapsed around them.  The story follows the sisters through their escape from the Japanese, detainment at Angel’s Island to their attempts at reconciling the tragedies and secrets of their lives. 

I hesitate to read Chinese books penned by American Chinese authors.  They taste like General Tsao’s chicken… edible but unauthentic.  They are heavy with stereotypical Chinese myths, too much for my palate but perhaps stimulating to a foreigner‘s tongue.  I vowed myself never to read such a book again after suffering through Joy Luck Club and its endless tales of bounded feet, losing face and zodiac signs. 

Another qualm I have is that in these books the author always moves their protagonist to the US and write about the struggles of assimilating into a foreign culture.  My grandparents never escaped and thus my parents were  raised in China, and it would haven been refreshing to have read a novel that told the stories behind China’s Iron Curtain.

Yet, no matter how cliched some elements of the book may be, there is no denying the existence of tremendous tragedies in 20th Century China.  This book serves as a stark reminder of how fortunate my generation is and in that sense, Shanghai Girls was a worthwhile read.

It is always exciting to visit the country and see the collision of old and new…how global influences are weaving themselves into the fabric of China’s ancient culture.  But I’m also always hesitant. In the space between all those years of my absence, lies a sense of guilt over the distance that is separating me and my relatives.

I remember when my family – my maternal grandparents, paternal grandmother, great grandmother, uncle, aunt, cousin, dad, mom and me- all lived together in a stone house with three floors.  But in the 20 years since I had left, our lives have grown worlds apart… I have grown apart.  Now, it almost seems impossible to fill the gaps.  Nuances, jokes, revelations… they often get lost in the translation of foreign experiences, especially ones that span 5 continents over 2 decades.

This has always been my one grievance over relocation.  And, as I head off to Tanzania, I cannot help think of the family and friends I am once again parting ways from….

This got me thinking about accomplishments and whether they can be defined not only by the attainment of a goal, but by the dismissal of one as well.  Instead of constructing dreams and hopes, can we also take pride in deconstructing paradigms?

We often see things not as they are, but as we are conditioned to see them.  Having always known a limited definition of success, I often failed to recognize the various achievements of others and sadly restricted my own possibilities. Even though my life is a patchwork of geographically diverse experiences, I have had a narrow and stale take on what one should aspire to become. 

And as I attempt to “uncondition” myself, I realize that I may never fully escape the trappings of Wall St.  But I am unabashed to say that I am proud to be parting with a job I had once put on a pedestal.

Sometimes the greatest accomplishments in life have nothing to do with attainment.  Sometimes they have everything to do with letting go.

 But if I am unable to free myself for one weekend, how can I be prepared to leave for good?

There is a little voice in my head that never fails to inject a little doubt into my heart.  Do I dare shake up a life that is comfortable?  Yet, I realize it is rarely in the nature of those in comfort to do something great.  If anything, it is strife that provokes innovation and determination.  When between a rock and a hard place, one has no choice but to break out with tremendous force. 

So I reassure myself again that this is the right choice, if not the only choice.  As R rightly pointed out over brunch the other day, do I really see myself excited about this job for the next 15 – 20 years?  If not, then move on.

Ever since the pushes have turned into shoves, many bright minds have bid farewell to the big boss to become their own boss. Indeed the slow (but sure) sinking of the ship known as Wall St. has influenced me to start cranking my brain as well. Yet I have heard stories of the kids, who ran lemonade stalls, the dorm room techies who launched and sold their websites… and I have never been one of them.

When this question of inspiration vs. desperation was asked at a recent conference, it reassured me when the panelist answered it was the later which drove him to start his now successful website. E also sensibly told me that, I was just beginning to travel down the path of entrepreneurship, but with each step I take, a sense of familiarity and ease willquickly snowball. I only hope…

I still believe that getting on to Wall St. is difficult, requiring many essential traits and a healthy dose of luck. However, I have barely taken a step down the road of entrepreneurship, and I have already been overwhelmed with many headache inducing questions:

How can we break in to the Chinese market and create a barrier of entry? Who has the experience to create a prototype? What is the best method of conducting research that can be FDA approved?

Brainstorming for a good idea is hard, executing it into a successful business is much harder. Unlike working for a large firm, there are no old pitch books to copy off of, no analysts to pile the grunt work on and no database to find answer from.

I am really starting to respect fellow classmates who dared to make their own path, people in the past I would have shrugged off as being unfit to make it on Wall St.

There is a great sense of empowerment when you venture into something you can add value to. In a cross promotional effort, I booked MM a gig at one of our clubs. I also reached out to SRP (which I ADORE) in the hopes of partnering up in the future. (On another note, I also started working on SS, a blog that posts and reviews exclusive event around the city.)

Though these are but baby steps, I have come to a startling realization. This experience has been creative and challenging and is a stark contrast to the mundane grind of my current job. This “gig” could unfold either way, but I think it has taught me to start cranking my brain and opening my eyes to different possibilities.